Sunday, July 04, 2004

leaving on a jet plane

tired.

as insane as it seems- i've been on vacation four days already. it feels like one. the plane ride to singapore was a blur. i vaguely recall sleeping for most of the trip, waking only to eat the prefab meals and get my name posted on the trivia hall of fame. it was funny hearing other people talk about whether or not the stopover in korea meant they had to get off the plane, or what customs was going to be like in singapore etc etc... i hadn't fully realized just how many trips and how long i've been doing the long distance thing for until hearing the questions of first time international flyers.

fast forward to today (sunday). i can't even recall what we did yesterday- i think there was shopping involved, then dinner with the tan family, and followed by karaoke with leona and stephen. today was bfast with the liang family, ba zhi class (i slept), foot reflexology, dinner, and drinks up on mt faber. it's about 940pm and ... very tired, so if this entry's disjointed it's a mix of too many thoughts, lack of sleep, and jet lag. the one plus side is the two days have been very productive (i think) but the down side is i'm left with only about a week of vacation =/

Sunday, June 27, 2004

change in my life

random thought of the day- ever notice a lot of christian songs are like love songs but instead of singing to your s o it's singing to jesus?

coupla examples (these songs could've very well been about another person, and not jesus/god)

change in my life
you put this love in my heart
how sweet it is

for those who watch south park, remember the episode where cartman started a christian rock band and substituted jesus for 'you'- so you would get songs like i want to walk on the beach with you(jesus). sacrilegious? probably. funny? hell yah!

so hard to say goodbye

it feels weird saying goodbye to people when they don't know that you're parting ways for good...

as part of my weekend of partying before i head off to see gracie i made it a point to got out saturday to catch up with promoters that some have become friends, and others good associates in the night life industry. it's a really strange feeling for me to decide to let go of something that has been a major part of my life since moving to san francisco. i'd like to say that i've closed the chapter on partying, but truth be told, i feel as though i'm finally understanding the party scene and could stand to make a solid profit financially as well as sharpening my business acumen. the issue is that sometimes you just have to let go of things that were never really yours to begin with.

i'm looking forward to my trip to asia, more so to looking forward to seeing grace again. she has, whether she will ever truly know it, been the best influence in my life- and i look forward to spending the rest of my life with her. but no person is an island, and the same goes with couples. i look at my parents and see how happy they are even now, but they lack a solid social circle. i don't want that to ever happen to me and grace, so i guess we'll be making friends together when she comes over.

so what does that have to do with saying goodbye? simple really- i've met a couple of people that could potentially be friends in the long run, but separating myself from the party scene will complicate matters so in the end i'll be back at square one in terms of making new friends. my goal was to have some friends that grace could hopefully be friends with when she came here so that she wouldn't feel like she was all alone, but maybe it's for the better that her and i make friends together.

with that, i bid adieu to partying and look forward to tackling new challenges.

Saturday, June 19, 2004

zankoku na tenshi no te-ze

sore throat. allergies. really has nothing to do with the title other than it's allowed me to spend the day 'resting' by sitting in front of the tv and catching up on borrowed backlog of anime. without much to look forward to in terms of tv, and with my short attention spam, movies are pretty much out of the question.

maybe anime is finally starting to become mainstream here in the u.s. or maybe i'm just fortunate to be living in the bay area, but in any case i've been able to be introduced to many series classic and new thanks to friends and of course the internet. heh yah i'm an otaku, oh well, i suppose 'lain' had a point that we exist purely in the memories of others, and that there are always multiple instances of 'you'. so for the readers (all one of you heh) i am how you perceive me to be ;-)

in any case, just finished watching 'serial experiments lain' and started on 'macross' both of which are very good in their own rights. maybe one of these days i'll write something up about lain, which is definitely one of the more surreal and thought provoking series that i've ever seen.

alrite need to go to bed, but before i do it wouldn't be right to not mention evangelion (otherwise the title makes absolutely no sense). funny thing is i kept thinking about evangelion when i was finishing watching lain this afternoon. but more about that some other time!

Wednesday, June 16, 2004

perhaps, perhaps, perhaps

monday was the end of the tv season for me. after a long hiatus, those fortunate enough to have bbc america (or bit torrrent for that matter) got to enjoy what is one of the funniest comedies to date - coupling. while this season wasn't nearly as good without jeff (played by richard carlyle) the 6 episode season is still a great treatise on the highs and lows of relationships. for once they don't end the season in a cliffhanger, which sadly leads me to believe this may be the last we'll see of this show.

so for me, it'll be a dismal fall season to look forward to. with the only returning show i'll enjoy being scrubs, and possibly simpsons just out of long time viewing loyalty. i really hate reality shows, and that sadly seems to be the trend these days- low budget, unscripted crap. maybe it is a reflection of our society- mindless, humorless masses that still believe that g-dub is doing a good job.

thank goodness for a backlog of anime i still have to watch, or better yet, time to go old skool and pick up a good book.

Saturday, June 12, 2004

smells like nirvana

very full. stuffed on broiled steak, sauteed zucchinis, and for dessert- one very ripe mango.

i remember reading somewhere that are strongest sense tied to memory is actually that of smell. i was at ranch 99 today and while walking through the vegetable section i kept catching the smell of ripe mangoes, which immediately made me recall all the summers spent in taiwan.

i'm usually lazy when it comes to eating fruits that i have to peel or are messy, so for the last few years i've avoided buying mangoes. For some reason that very distinctive smell compelled me to purchase a couple.

you're probably wondering where this story is going, i'm not quite sure either. i felt very sentimental just now while peeling a mango, thinking more in specific the time my grandmother bought a whole box for me because she knew i loved them. maybe it's a sense of guilt tied to that memory tied to the smell, but it's odd that i'd think about that box of mangoes and my grandmother spoiling me like always.

beyond the sea

wish us luck... i've assembled a mass of evidence that grace and i have in fact been physically in the same location 2yrs prior to turning in the visa application. gotta send it out this week, hopefully her friends come through with affidavits that bear witness as well.

Sunday, June 06, 2004

overkill

"I can't get to sleep
I think about the implications...

...I worry over situations
I know will be alright
Perhaps it's just imagination"


the bb's have been rattling non-stop of late. it seems like every couple of years i arrive at a crossroads. like the frost poem "the path less travelled" i vow to make a change in my life. for a bit i take the unbeaten path, but i seem to always end back on the main road... discontented yet never fully disatisfied

in the past it's been over one of three things - work, friends, and relationships that i found myself frustated with. now i feel like all three aspects of my life are in flux, so i've been lying awake at night thinking through all the possiblities and coming up with solutions... though life is rarely as nice as i'd like to imagine, even in my worst-case scenerios the unexpected inevitably happens.

for instance, my relationship with g - i've been thinking and thinking of ways to cover the costs of our wedding. part of the income i'd hope to gain this summer is now no longer a possibility... which is due in a very large part to the decisions i made in the past in regards to my friends. so of course given that i won't be pulling in a couple thousand more this summer i'm forced to stay at my current job rather than search for something more meaningful but less paying.

hmmm maybe having three problems happen at once isn't all bad...